and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
