I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
