meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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