i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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