I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
