you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
