i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
