I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
