I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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