It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
