My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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