I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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