Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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