No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
