so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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