Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
