Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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