i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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