I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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