you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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