Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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