We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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