I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dont even know how to be here
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
