Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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