New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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