my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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