He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
