im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pants are for mortals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
