in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
