I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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