Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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