apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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