I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
