I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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