Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
