so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
