My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you will always have a special place in my vag
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
