i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
