I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
