You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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