I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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