Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I look better un-naked...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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