You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
