am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
