She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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