In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Two words: blizzard sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
