the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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