You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
