Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
