I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
