You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
