There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
