I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
